Category: Quotables

A Little Funny from Mr. Allen

“To you I’m an atheist; to God I’m the loyal opposition.”
- Woody Allen

Secret trainers

A little cycling humor for the day…

Cyclists are the biggest sandbaggers and secret trainers around. They’ll say anything to soften you up for the kill. Don’t let this happen to you. Study this handy rider’s phrasebook to find out what they really mean when they say:

“I’m out of shape”
Translation: I ride 400 miles a week and haven’t missed a day since the Ford administration. I replace my 11-tooth cog more often than you wash your shorts. My body fat percentage is lower than your mortgage rate.

“I’m not into competition. I’m just riding to stay in shape”
Translation: I will attack until you collapse in the gutter, babbling and whimpering. I will win the line sprint if I have to force you into oncoming traffic. I will crest this hill first if I have to grab your seat post and spray energy drink in your eyes.

“I’m on my beater bike”
Translation: I had this baby custom-made in Tuscany using titanium blessed by the Pope. I took it to a wind tunnel and it disappeared. It weighs less than a fart and costs more than a divorce.

“It’s not that hilly”
Translation: This climb lasts longer than a presidential campaign. Be careful on the steep sections or you’ll fall over—backward. You have a 39x23 low gear? Here’s the name of my knee surgeon.

“You’re doing great, honey”
Translation: Yo, lard ass, I’d like to get home before midnight. This is what you get for spending the winter decorating and eating chocolate. I shoulda married that cute Cat 1 racer when I had the chance.

“This is a no-drop ride”
Translation: I’ll need an article of your clothing for the search-and-rescue dogs.

“It’s not that far”
Translation: Bring your passport.

And in case you’re wondering - I’m riding my beater bike home ‘cuz I’m out of shape.

Climbing Limerick

Lots of RAW riders wrote limericks about their experience during the ride. Sadly, I can’t remember any, but the poetic format is fun and it lends itself well to describing your recreational experiences. Here’s a little climbing limerick. (In rock climbing, protection refers to the anchors and other equipment used to prevent long falls by attaching the climber’s rope to the rocks. The deck is the ground.)

If you’re of a rock-climbing bent,
Set protection throughout your ascent.
If you’re flip with a clip
And then slip, lose your grip,
That deck’s gonna leave quite a dent.
-Pamela Greene

Disorderly

One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.
- A. A. Milne

Daily Living

Lokah Samasta, Suki No, Bavantu.

The sanskrit phrase above translates to: “May all my thoughts and actions somehow contribute to the peace and happiness for all beings around the world.”

I like that. It suggests that all the little actions we make have an impact...that one person can indeed be a powerful force.

I’m powerful when I ride my bike to work, when I make a healthy, organic meal from locally grown produce, when I smile and wave at the bus driver, when I let someone with one grocery item cut in front of me at the check-out counter, when I’m totally present with someone, taking the care to hear them with my ears, eyes, body and soul…

Help me brainstorm - how are you powerful?