Open letter to ass-hat drivers
You know who you are.
You are the one that turned left in front of my husband last Thursday, causing him to “high-side” off his bicycle, scrape up his chin, hand, knees, elbows, groin, hip, etc., and bust up his bike.
You are the one that tried to make a right on red near University Village on Tuesday and nearly ran me over while I was crossing the road at the crosswalk.
You are the one that rear-ended the car on the other side of the same intersection just seconds later, when it stopped to let the pedestrians and cyclists continue all the way across the intersection.
You are the one that passed me this morning going mach 2 on the wrong side of the road (yes, into oncoming traffic) when I was waiting in the two-way left turn lane to turn into the Houghton Park & Ride. You said you didn’t see me. Not only are you an ass-hat driver, but you’re a stinkin’ liar too.
Here are a few suggestions to keep you from killing me, my husband and any other well-meaning cyclist on the road…
...Two hands on the wheel. Put down the cell phones, French fries, lipsticks, vibrators and what-have-you and PAY ATTENTION. Rinse, repeat, wipe hands on pants.
...Racing a cyclist to an intersection, so you can turn in front of them with millimeters to spare doesn’t help you; it doesn’t help me. You know who it helps? The hospital emergency room doctors. Quit it.
...Use your effing turn signals! Are you retarded?
...If you are driving, chances are you took drivers ed and passed the state driving test. In fact, I’m willing to bet you did both. Trust me, the Department of Transportation did NOT choose this day to change the law, making it illegal for cyclists to ride on the road. So stop honking/yelling, and freaking drive around the “offending cyclist” already.
...Every time you pass a cyclist with only inches between your car and a cyclist’s body, God kills a kitten.
...Just because traffic is heavy does NOT give you license to drive in the bike lane or on the shoulder, especially in some misguided, self-righteous crusade to get past everyone who is obeying the law.
...Cyclists often try to avoid you by using quiet, winding back roads. Just because you have a big honkin’ SUV does NOT crown you the Invincible Overlord of Nature who can be an aggressive ass-hat and drive 90 mph on these roads. In the spirit of togetherness and brotherhood and whatnot, I’m confident you can drive a little slower and still make it to your destination on time.
...Anyone who buys a Hummer should be automatically drafted for military service in Iraq. Christ.
Thank you for your time. Drive safely.
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Maybe if the cops stopped patroling the highway for speeders and started patroling the surface streets for ass-hats we’d be getting somewhere. Surely keeping an innocent cyclist and his bike from getting wrapped around the driveline of an obscene 4x4 truck is more valuable that chasing down those who safely travel at 90-100mph on the freeways in vehicles engineered to do so. But the ineffectiveness of law enforcement and the inadequacies of our driver training programs are the subject of another blog post. Punk ass.
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